Does the pain ever goes away?

It’s been exactly 5 yrs since I’ve lost my dad and and every year I thought by next year I’ll be fine and I’ll get normal.

Yet again at this time all I can think of him and how much I want to sob yet have no tears. Can’t have a single thought without thinking about him yet look totally normal outside.

Really wish one day I can just be happy and normal and not have to carry to fucking emptiness with me every fucking moment