Idk if I am bi or it’s all in my head

Idk if I am bi.

Hey everybody, this is my first time writing in a Reddit post so please excuse if I make any hiccups along the way. As the title says I’m having an identity crisis. I was introduced to porn at a young age by a friend, roughly 4th grade and since then it’s grown exponentially. It started simple but it quickly turned south. By 5th grade I had fetishes a normal kid wasn’t supposed to have. And it upgraded to femdom porn my middle school years, high school years and it’s still present till this day. I don’t know how my femdom addition started. It started off with light bdsm porn, then it escalated into pegging and forced bi. This addition only grew in quarantine for example, I’d buy lingerie, dresses and started shaving my legs and body for a more feminine approach. I’d start to watch sexuality reprogramming and it filled my urges to the max. In my mind I’d start to like guys but in real life, I wouldn’t even get hard seeing guys shirtless or working out. I only got hard when it was through a screen. A couple of months ago I was depressed because I wanted to like women. I’d get hard when I kissed or hug a woman but whenever it was time for sex I couldn’t get hard. I blamed this on my liking for men and women but I don’t get hard to guys in person. Only through the screen. And with women I always get hard when I kiss them or make out intensely with them. I like women. I really do. But these urges are so intense It takes control over me. Recently I decided enough was enough and I went celibate. I started December 31st, 2024. And since then I haven’t watched or fapped in 2 months since this post. I plan on erasing these thoughts out of my head once and for all. I have a gf now and she’s wonderful. She’s nice and sweet and I feel bad that I even have these urges bc it feels like I’m betraying her. She doesn’t know about my secret. Nor do I show any signs of it. I don’t like guys and I don’t think I’m gay either. I just have these intense urges to submit to women and for them to control me. I’ve had a past girl that pegged me and knows my secret but she’s the only one who knows about this. She’s trying to come back into my life and make me come back to her. I haven’t sext or said anything compromising to her bc I do have a gf and as long as I’m with her I won’t cheat or do anything shiesty. But I’m conflicted bc part of me wants to go back and embrace who I was but the other part of me wants something better. Something pure. I’ve seen guys on ph that are old and they let that femdom addition beat them and consume them. I don’t want to be like that. I want to be able to please my women in bed and not feel these urges. Any advice ? Anything helps, I need ppls opinion on this without having to fear about ppl from my personal life know about this.