Soon to be my first birthday since you left -S

It's almost my 20th birthday. First time in years I've spent one without her. It's so weird, feels so wrong. I just want to be okay again. I want to be here and present and be able to love but I can't even exist in my present moment without the past and all the time I spent with her coming up to try and break through the slim piece of fabric keeping us apart. I miss her so much right now honestly, and it's so strange to say that.

I miss you H You were my everything, you still are probably the only person who's voice will always have me ready. Standing at attention to tell you I love you. Something I said so much while I had you, but I wish I had told you.