I feel so lost

I’m 18 and struggle with a lot of things but mostly lust. I want to grow closer to God but I keep falling into temptation and it makes me feel so disconnected from him. I’ve been so disconnected from everything and haven’t gone to school in 2 weeks, maybe like one day a week if I feel like it. Everyday I have no motivation and I don’t feel like talking to anyone and I feel like it’s cause of 🟠⚫️ but I can’t stop and I don’t know why. Most of the time it all I think about or stuff on social media is what triggers it and I feel so ashamed and guilty and disgusted with myself every time I even look at it. Then I think of the “ good feeling “ it will give me and I give in and after I always feel super guilty but that doesn’t stop me from doing it agian. Almost after every time I do it I ask god for forgiveness but recently I haven’t because I feel like I don’t deserve his love or forgiveness and I’ve been loosing faith. I haven’t been to church in months and have been skipping almost every Jesus video I come across. I want to get baptized but I feel like I need to overcome lust before because being baptized is supposed to be a fresh start and you’re supposed to leave everything in your “old life” behind. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this stuff because no one in my family is religious except my mom but I don’t see her much cause of school and her work. I also don’t know how to get rid of my addiction. If anyone has anything they can say to help please do.