Im at a loss

My (F36) husband (M35) has had two hypomanic/manic episodes since the start of the year and I’m exhausted. We have a 2 year old little boy so that adds a layer of complexity to the situation.

Both of these episodes include extreme religiosity,and talking back and forth with chat gpt. Lasting about a week-

He began a new medicine vraylar 1.5 mg at the beginning of the year and has failed to go to the follow up psychiatrist appt (new insurance, billing issues, us being broke) I believe she would most likely up the dosage in this appt and this is what’s causing the frequency of episodes. He’s refusing to take more than the 1.5 mg unless told otherwise by the dr.

I worked today while he had the day off, he seemed much more like himself yesterday and this episode seemed more hypomanic than full blown mania. I asked twice if he felt he was okay to watch our son (8am-1:30pm) and it was not an issue to have my folks babysit if he was still feeling off. He insisted he was okay and I hesitantly went off to work. Text updates seemed on the level.

Once I got home I pieced some things together where he was obviously not okay to watch him solo. My son had drawn in black crayon all over his toddler table and chair as well as a vintage rocking chair. I inquired what he was doing while my son was drawing all over everything his answer was making lunch. I asked what he had for lunch- it was a bagel and a yogurt pouch. That’s nothing for my son.

My husband was sat on the couch looking exhausted, he said he felt “out of it” and then immediately said no I’m just relaxing I’m okay. We ate dinner and he laid down and read a book and fell asleep around 6pm. He’s crashing post “feeling up”

I’m feeling very guilty for leaving my son with him solo today, my husband obviously wasn’t watching him closely for him to be able to color all over everything like he did. By the time I got home he was hungry too.

I am having a difficult time seeing a future where these instances don’t keep happening. I don’t know how much longer I can do this.