I wish I never met him (CW: suicide)

I love my fiancé (who’s also my fp) so much but sometimes I really wish I never met him. He’s the only thing keeping me here. If it wasn’t for him I would’ve kept trying again and again to kms until I got it right, but after witnessing him watch me wake up in the hospital, I decided it wasn’t worth the pain I would cause him (and then have to deal with if I survived again). But it’s been 3.5 years and my life didn’t get better, and my problems haven’t gone away. In fact, they’ve only grown. So I suffer in pain every day just to make sure that he won’t.