I want to get better

21F. I posted on this reddit 2 years ago and i've kinda went backwards. I gained 25lbs since then. (300 was my atl before)

I don't wanna beat myself up about it because that will just leave me more depressed, but it's definitely a rock bottom sort of thing for me, even lower than two years ago.

I don't just want to lose the weight, I want to be active and do things. I do try to remain at a caloric deficit, which is why I'm thankful that I haven't ballooned like I did when I was much younger, but I need to work out. I like working out but a lot of things happened in mid 2023. (The main issue being all four of my wisdom teeth are impacted and it feels like hell.) Between that and college, I neglected working out and just sit. The most I do is simple cardio and walking around but that won't cut it.

With good news though, I've been more open with a friend of mine about working out and general body image issues and it helped me feel a bit better. I'm always worried about falling down many unsavory mindsets regarding weight loss and developing something else that goes along with my binging, so talking felt nice. It's especially nice because the friend isn't judgmental about it. Usually, when the topic of weight comes up, I'm aware that people on the skinnier side have always judged me, so having a genuine convo about it without being called names or hearing nasty comments feels nice.

Even before I get my teeth extracted soon, (Yes, it's been a year and a half of this pain lol) I do just want to get back into the swing of things. My classes are thankfully less stressful this semester and I do have a better support system so I am feeling much more confident about all of this. Confidence can only get you so far though, so I will do my best to get better.

75lbs is my min goal right now. Whatever happens after that will just happen. I want to get better. No cheats, no goofing off, no beating myself up about anything. Just good ol' fashioned effort.