"Loyalty" by The Pretender

Loyalty

And if you stay, and if you go, something about the night sky and the rain makes me want you home.

You were the person who pretend to want me at my worst and broke me, but the soul connection is once again on my side, inevitably.

And I spend day and night staring at the dimmed sparkle in my eyes, something that's faded, but will never die. I tried to kill it multiple nights, but the sparkle in my eyes still carries something bright.

And I feel like I'm not a woman every month, worthy of love and someone to hold.

The weather is cold, something I still dread.

And now, this year, I am dreading the warm weather instead.

The beach by your house, during day and dawn, will forever be an imprint of the part of me that's gone.

And I'm trying to see it as a good thing, but it feels so bad. I never felt unrequited love make me so sad.

Now I will try to find you in every man I see, while you get to be happy and forget about me. I'm not pretty enough, and you were so unfair to me.

A heart that's shattered, permanently.

I walk alone, the breeze hits my cold red cheeks at night. I want to freeze to death, but my family holds me tight. And I don't want to be held, because they hurt me and they're one of the reasons my soul has to fight.

A soul who understands me will never be in sight.

I am not who I want to be, and the devil himself branded a Scarlet Letter on my chest

One that I fight to wipe off, and I never truly rest.

Something about the moon tells me you're meant for me

And I toss and turn at night, imagining you happy

Because my physical body will never be enough,

But my soul feels like it doesn't belong in this world and I'm not enough

My abuser took all of the fight in me,

You restored my hope,

Then scarred me eternally.

And I stay around, not wanting to be perceived

A pretender covered with scars and face hidden by matted brown hair.

Who people pity, if they take a long enough stare.

And it frustrates me, because I could've been pretty

But people beat my soul and spirit down significantly

And I can't find words to describe the way I feel

A part of me slips away every day, the wound won't seem to heal

In a world with nobody to relate to,

my spirit begins to kneel

Nothing happy left to feel.

And I will be waiting for you at dusk and dawn,

Until I'm gone.

But you will be happy, and you stole my fizzled sun.

The last bit of fight that I had left, and I feel like being gone.

I want to not be here, but for some reason I keep fighting, even though a huge part of me is done.

Went to you and you will never make up for your theft.

I wish I could say that I was the one who left.

I will be waiting, not that it matters

For a day that will never come

My heart eternally shattered

By a heartless person's gun.