Obsession

I’m a victim of limerence aimed toward my male friend, whom I’ve known for almost a decade now. I realized half a year ago that I’m simply obsessed with him.

I feel the need to be his only “person,” best friend, or whatever. The problem is that he has ADHD and a strong need for social interaction. He has a lot of friends, most of whom are basic-ass dicks who only think about partying and drugs. He also has a strong need to be “respected” and “seen” by them (you know, the typical thing for male teenagers, I guess). I’m very jealous of them because I’m just not enough to provide him with the entertainment he craves. I try my best, but I always feel belittled when I hear about all the “cool” things he’s done with them recently. Compared to the party animals, I’m just a guy with weird interests and mental disorders, lol. I feel like he’s in that state of mind where “cool, fun people party, do drugs, and other shit,” and he doesn’t even care if he actually likes them or if they’re good for him. They give him what he needs, so he sticks with them.

Another problem is that he’s lowkey emotionally stupid—he can’t read other people or situations (I suspect he might be autistic; he shows a lot of signs of it). He also can’t stand up for himself and never says what’s actually on his mind or how he feels (which I believe he got from his stupid friends because he didn’t use to be like that). He rarely says anything until I ask him, and even then, he gives me very plain answers. I believe he’s just lost and has been surrounded by toxic people for a long time now because I refuse to believe he’s really like this—his behavior changes depending on who he’s with.

It’s really hard for me to describe our relationship. We used to be great friends, but then he met those people, and my mental health got worse, so even if I wanted to, I wasn’t able to meet up with him—which he always took very personally.

Here’s another thing: a year ago, I actually broke off our friendship. At that time, he was heavily addicted, and I felt helpless. He never took me seriously when I brought up the fact that he was taking too much. He acted like a typical teenager who “knows better” (which he was at that point, so I can’t blame him). So I ended our friendship. He made fun of me on other people’s Instagram stories, and after two months, I think?—he just started messaging me again. We played some games from time to time, and every week, we ended up talking more and more and even meeting up occasionally. Now, it’s almost as if nothing happened. It’s like we became “friends” again during the summer of 2024.

So what’s the problem? He ignores me, and sometimes it seems like he doesn’t really care about me, but when I pull away, he’s the one who comes back? Three months ago, we were at a party together, and I got drunk and started crying, apologizing for being a bad friend or whatever, and he told me I’m the nicest person he’s ever met. So why does he act this way???? Does he just not understand how friendship works? Does he struggle with showing emotions??? I know him, and I know he’s not manipulating me—like I said, he’s a bit dumb when it comes to emotions and people. And yes, I know—the best solution is to talk about it. But unfortunately, my brain has stupid “reasons” for not doing that. I won’t dwell on that, but it’s physically impossible for me to have that conversation. I also know that he would just make fun of it and think I’m being too sensitive.

I yapped a lot already about the situation but here is the real reason why I’m writing about it and what exactly I want : how do I become his “best friend”? How do I make him open up to me, be the person he feels the need to talk to, be the person he wants to go on a summer with, have matching tattoos, live togheter or whatever HOW DO I MAKE HIM WANT TO SPENDT TIME WITH ME SPECIFICALLY. I don’t want to be an option because his other friends are busy or just they annoyed him.

I want to be better than his other friends. More important than them. And I’m willing to be give everything to him - I will do whatever he wants. I’m sick and I can’t help it.

And if you read this and you think that I want him to be obsessed with me then maybe thats how it is. I just want him to think about me. I want to be THE PERSON in his life. I want to have a matter in his eyes.