I miss being social

i’m not sure how to even put my thoughts into words. i guess i can start by saying that last school year i initiated conversation more with my friends/texted, wanted to hang out more, held eye contact easily, enjoyed and practiced my hobbies but now it’s like i lost the ability to do all of that and im not sure what even triggered it. I came into school this year and just felt like a shell of the person i used to be. for context im in a trio of friends and talking to them just didn’t interest me anymore. i often fell silent in group discussions and it reached the point where people would notice and ask me if i were okay. november of last year was definitely the worst though. i could barely hang out with my friends before feeling strangely excluded (although i know my friends weren’t doing it on purpose) and having to leave because otherwise i would cry. my hobbies which i enjoyed so much started to feel like a chore and they still do. school has been making me feel worthless lately and i don’t see a future for myself, but i suppose that isn’t unusual as someone as young as me doesn’t need their whole life figured out yet. i also feel strangely bitter towards people who are more social than me or are surrounded by lots of friends. it makes me want to lash out and tell them that they don’t understand what i’m going through even though i know it’s my jealousy talking. i’m scared to tell any of my irls about these feelings because im sure i’m being over dramatic and everyone is going through this. but i want nothing more than to just go back to the social version of myself.