I feel myself getting worse, but this time I have no clue what to do

I thought I was getting better but guess not. I’m so depressed and I don’t want to talk about it anymore. The job I worked hard for sucks. I’m still living at home, my dating life is a literal joke so that doesn’t exist anymore. I just don’t understand what’s the point. I have hobbies I have friends but so what? I still always feel like shit and I’ve lost all hope (yes I have I just know better than to attempt suicide). Ppl try to love me and I can’t let them. And yes I’ve been to therapy for years. I’m tired. Life is a terrible experience and I’m beyond jealous of ppl who don’t get that