Letters For Someone I Once Loved

Isn't it funny that 3 years later, no contact whatsoever, no knowledge of where you are or what you're doing and I still catch myself thinking about you? I mean, how could I not? I wonder what you're up to these days. Are you doing what you always dreamed of doing? Have you found people who uplift you and make you smile? Are you happy? Do you think of me randomly the way I think of you? For the last couple of days though, you've plagued my thoughts more times than I'd like. You just come in waves and wash over me and it takes me days to just go back to normal. It's crazy to think how three whole years later, your impact on me is stronger than ever. Why? It's draining. Having to remember what we were is draining. Remembering every experience we shared is draining. Mourning the loss of what was and what could've been is draining. Till this day, every memory still cuts as deep as it did 3 years ago and I don't know how to fill these wounds. They're open, they're oozing and there's not a thing I can do about it. You left a huge hole in my life and I'm not sure how to completely fill it. I don't even know if that's a possibility. I think about going back to where we began and ended and it even hurts to think about walking those same corridors and seeing those same rooms. It feels empty. I try my best to avoid thoughts relating to you but sometimes my mind betrays me. (insert their name). Even your name feels weird to type. I haven't typed it in years. I haven't said it in even longer. It's almost like if I say it, you'll hear me and run away from me. I hate that this happened to us. I hate it a lot. I saw you as a constant in my life. We told each other our dreams, our ambitions, our futures and now we're living them just without each other. It makes me sad. It really does. It's actually kind of weird to see how everything became nothing so quickly. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that we were each other's everything. I never would've imagined it going this way. But it did. And till today, I feel the ghost of what we had. It haunts me. I don't think it'll ever stop. This is something I'll carry with me for a lifetime but share with no one. This one I take to the grave.