Is the psych ward my only option right now?

TW: SI and SA I’m safe, I’m fine, etc. I just need some advice. My psychiatrist wants me to go to the er and check myself into the psych ward, I literally would rather do anything but that. Every time I just miss my kid and panic and want to get out of there and the meds always give me bad reactions because I have the MTHFR gene mutation. I take methylfolate but not seeing much difference. I’m extremely depressed. I actually have schizoaffective so idk if yall can help much. For years I’ve just been surviving. I had hobbies and interests as a kid and now I literally cannot force myself to do anything. The things I do have to do make me so angry and empty because I feel no joy. I’ve been forcing myself to do things and it makes me feel worse. I’m disabled and can’t walk without mobility aids at 22. I’m dealing with a court case against my past abuser (sa.) my brother had his first psychosis and I had to take him to the hospital. my meds aren’t helping and just make me feel like a zombie. I’m on olanzapine, lexapro, Ritalin, and gabapentin but those are just my mental health meds. I’m on a lot for medical issues. I stopped taking my olanzapine because it was making me extremely angry and empty (more than usual) and after 6 months I couldn’t take it anymore but honestly baseline isn’t good either. I quit smoking weed as well about a week ago. I’ve been crying for weeks, wanting to end it but knowing I can’t, I’m too stubborn to leave my son alone on this earth. But I feel no joy. I am so sick and tired of this life with no joy. Every day is agony. I can’t just go to the hospital again. I’ve been so many times. Is there anything that has helped? Anything? I don’t care if it sound crazy I just want any option other than admitting myself when I have responsibilities that can’t be put on hold in the real world. I cried myself to sleep in my partners arms last night and I just feel so empty and it’s painful like physically and I hate being so angry and tired and antsy and feeling like I need to DO something but I freaking CANT. I can barely move as it is. What do I do. Please