am i supposed to hate my goddamn guts for being shaped into what i am due to what was done to me? should i be shameful of myself and guilty about being affected? because the effect happened to be "being insecure a lot"?

i am insecure. when people do things to me, good or bad (especially good), i can shed tears and may start crying. i may have panic attacks in public. i may be worried about something and ask for reassurance for it. i may not understand some things and ask so i understand them.

i dont hurt anyone (i never intend to, at least). im usually the one hurt. whether it's bc of someone present or for other reasons. am i supposed to go around saying hey im sorry im so disgusting and vile for being so emotional and having no f**king tact for having a panic attack in public or crying in front of people, and for being so fucking horrible and annoying and the worst person ever for daring to be so insecure and daring to even ask about it instead of sucking my shit up?

is that what im supposed to do?

because everything and everyone is sending the message that i should be ashamed of myself. but what exactly? why? what should i be apologizing about? and how is it my fault that i have to be ashamed of myself? being traumatized and not taught some/many things?