how do i cope with the need to end it?

i’ve been suicidal for years, ive tried to at least 5 times (i suck at it apparently).

a lot of bad things are going on in my life, i can’t really talk to my friends right now because i feel like a burden, i don’t want them to hate me nor i want them to have to carry my problems with them. Something happened today that just made me realise that the only thing i can do is end my life.

how do i stop those feelings and ideas? im struggling really bad and i feel like i can’t tell anyone. Thank you if anyone reads, im sorry if this is annoying