asking a woman for a date after a breakup of 17-18 years

First off I have no idea what to do as in I am so clueless it could be flopping on the ground with me staring at it for a while and I would still be lost. It just has been a long time since having to think about asking someone out.

I M49 and a F42 at work whom we both enjoy each others company and conversation because its at work and is safe is a person I would really like to hold hands with, we have been friends for 5-6 years now.

She is separated for 7-10 years but not divorced(bothersome a bit for me) and still lives with(purchased home but live separate). She states she is single and is convinced will be alone forever. I had asked her to go on a walk or drive around town but I was really hurt from the prior relationship and just wanted the pain to stop. She didn't say no and she didn't say yes. I am convinced that either she just didn't want to hurt my feelings or she is scared to let someone love her again. She met her husband at work and it didn't work out and now here I am at that same work. I can understand that hesitation.

Even though I would like to blurt my feelings out I just feel I need to let her know it is okay to tell me no and our conversation wouldn't change. I am sure I would be hurt a bit but am a believer that anything can be worked through if two people are willing to work the problem. I just feel I am at a point to let things like another knowing how I feel towards them is not something to be embarrassed about.

My ex and I still live together but our conversation is in a great place and we get along and she is important to me and I will defend and help her any way I can. I refuse to let hurt feelings be something tangible when we are adult enough to work through this and we have. We also live separate in my home. It was important for me to have her not to worry about paying rent somewhere else when it benefits us to live together financially as my mortgage is cheap. We have spoken about dating other people since breaking up. I am a bit nervous almost being the first person to find someone else, I am worried that she might be hurt by it.

Not sure what I am asking here but I just want the next person I am interested in to know I am okay with it taking time and going slow and asking permission to hold hands some day.

All of the info about living with our ex is known by her( F42) and by me. I feel like I just rambled on.

any advice before I commit?