DAE have to grey rock when they’re grieving?

Hi all. I’m here because my daughter died in December. She was 12 days old. I had a beautiful uncomplicated pregnancy, but my labour was mismanaged and she had severe complications. This post is not exactly about my grief for her. My issue is my narcissistic dad.

Mom died 5 years ago, and since then, dad has proven himself a raging narcissist. I don’t have the energy to go through the million examples. Just trust me. We had not been talking for a few months until I found out I was pregnant, but the thought of a grandchild seemed to create a new era for us, and our relationship improved during this time. Still tense, still unstable, but better.

When I was in the hospital and my baby was dying, he was there. He supported me, he played nice with my family and in-laws. But I have found that in recent weeks - the support is tapering off. He seems almost annoyed when I don’t respond to him in a chatty tone. He is not interested in going to the grief with me. Just like he wasn’t interested in facing it when mom died either.

The only solution is to continue talking to him and meeting him, but I’m trying to get my head around how to go back to grey rocking him when I genuinely thought for a minute that he might have softened and made space for my pain. Has anyone else dealt with a narcissistic family member in their grief? It really feels like he has decided that I’ve been the victim for long enough, and I’m fair game again to get triangulated into his stupid little games. I’m so hurt and disappointed, yet I can’t show or say ANYTHING.