rcod intertwined with relationship issues?

I never had ocd or maybe was not aware of it until i experienced self-harm ocd 4 years ago. I've always felt insecure in relationships, often not feeling loved and afraid of being abandoned. I would feel intensely hurt from romantic rejection. Fast forward to my current relationship, we've been together for 3 years. There was an instant connection from the start and things moved quickly also because of our age. I find myself needing to be reassured of her love and interest from day 1. I do think it's borderline ROCD mixed with insecurity as i constantly doubt whether she loves me. I would be sensitive to signs that she doesnt even though we're in a committed relationship. I made a big compromise for her moving countries but have a constant fear that she wouldnt do the same. And have found that to be true for even the smallest things. I zoom in on them and it's gotten to a point where i would break up whenever triggered. She's become severely depressed and has attributed it to the relationship dynamics, saying I'm an emotional abuser who doesnt make her feel safe due to the instability. If I'm actually emotionally abusive, i certainly am not realising this. Is this common for people with ROCD? I can understand why she must feel that way as I get triggered very easily and would withdraw or break up to end the distress without really wanting it. It's some form of self-sabotage and she sees that very clearly. I dont know what's going on with me, I'm so confused about what to do and how to get the right medication or therapeutic treatment. She's now left the relationship in a grey zone and I'm not able to cope as I need reassurance about the future. And, then i think even if she gives me an answer either way, i would still be in distress. If she reassures me, I'll still doubt whether this will last as she could easily change her mind. If she doesnt and decides to leave, we'll.. i'll breakdown and feel so worthless. I need advice on what should i do at this moment in terms of medication, therapy and interactions with her?

TL;DR I need advice on treatment approach if my issue is a mix of OCD, insecurities and inner child wounds.