I want to be more caring and affectionate to my parents but I just don’t know how

This might be long but I’m really hoping this reaches some people so I could get some advice.

I just moved back home after studying/working abroad for about 3 years. My parents raised me in the US for a substantial amount of my childhood and I would say they are actually much more westernized and open minded than most conventional asian parents (I’m also the youngest, so I got the better version of my parents compared to my older sibling). I’m aspiring to work in the arts and they are supportive, saying they just want me to be happy. They are actually much more affectionate towards me than I am to them—they always say I love you after phone calls and wanted me to come home after graduating so we could spend more time together. They sacrificed a lot for me while I was growing up and I am so so grateful to them, but of course not everything was perfect, especially with my mom.

My mom was extremely critical of my physical appearance my entire life, to the point where I was disordered eating for about 2-4 years, and actually had a serious eating disorder for a year or so. It got so bad at a certain point where I would just start yelling at her if she stepped foot into the kitchen at the same time as me and I’ve even thrown food at her (I know I may seem like a crazy spoiled brat and tbh I probably was, but I was also definitely not mentally stable during this time). Around that same time, I started getting tattoos with my own money when I turned 18 and my mom was vehemently against tattoos where we would get into yelling matches about it. Because of those things (and probably a lot of other underlying stuff as well) I moved out of the house and I cut off communication with her entirely for almost a year.

I would also say she was (and sometimes still is) abusive towards my dad—I still believe to this day they should’ve gotten divorced because they are so incompatible (they talked about divorce on multiple occasions throughout my childhood but they never actually went through with it). My mom has also been a devout Catholic my whole life (I learned later on in life that it’s a coping mechanism from her past trauma) and I’ve never been religious so that’s also been a point of contention in our relationship.

On the other hand, I have a better relationship with my dad, but I also understand some of the frustrations that my mom would have towards my dad that would trigger some of her abusive behavior (not trying to excuse it, but just saying I understand where it stems from). I also look back and can see how he would weaponize his close relationship with me against my mom, and I don’t think that was okay either. And more as I become an adult, I come to realize that I really disagree with his political values, but I find it hard to explain my perspective to him due to slight language barriers, different cultural context/upbringing, and his political values also tie directly back to his career (military). I can also see that a lot of his perspective is clouded because of propaganda and misinformation, but he’s much more open minded compared to my mom so when we have these conversations, it’s never really turned into an argument.

Overall though, my relationship with my parents improved after I had moved out for college again after COVID, but I’m honestly scared how it may change now that I moved back in with them again. I want to take this time to truly spend quality time with them but I just don’t know how to be vulnerable with my parents anymore, especially after I had that big falling out with my mom a few years ago. My parents also joined an MLM about a year ago and we already got into an argument about it around the third day I moved back in because I told them it’s shady. I’m also pretty bad with affection in general but I just feel so guilty that I can’t find a way to show my gratitude towards them because I really am so grateful for everything they have done for me. They’re getting older and I don’t want them to think they just raised a spoiled child who doesn’t see all the things they sacrificed for me. I don’t even know if this is relatable for anyone lol but would love to get some perspective/insight.