i think i've finally reached the end

i've been wondering for a while now, how much gas do i have left in the tank? and i think i'm finally stalling out now. i've been fantasizing about getting to leave this place for so long, that now that i'm finally ready to leave and all my things are in order i'm just a little bit giddy. i've felt lighter than i ever have in recent days.

i'm honestly just so relieved that its over soon. i tried my best, and i'm not cut out for this. i'm not strong enough for this place. i shouldn't be expected to keep doing this when clearly i can't keep up.

the funny part about all this is that i've honestly had everything primed for me to commit for months now, but i've only recently felt satisfied with the states of my affairs. the people that i love will be able to remember their last words to me fondly. i've tried to make sure that first responders will be the first to find my corpse, although its harder to be sure of that. i hope they listen to what i've written for them. if they find this and figure out its me, sorry again.