5:44pm 8th March 2025

LONG RANT

Kabhi nahi socha tha I would write this, I am genuinely failing in life and my acds, aj ka maths ka exam was a big reality check ki I can't do anything.. I wanted to pursue engineering specifically ethical hacking ya data science initially, did no efforts + got weaker in studies day by day so took commerce, ghar mei kaafi bola ki maths mat le but me being me, "mai kar lungi" bolke liya.. 12th mei i was failing pura saal, I haven't prepared for any entrance, might fail maths, koi clg nahi until compartment uske baad bhi tier4, course ka idea nahi, IT ki line mei jana tha waha ja nahi sakti as I am too dumb ( data scientist toh bilkul nahi) My parents are disappointed as fuck, unko face karne ka Mann nahi karta... It was all my fault Partial drop leke sab karlu but ghar walo ko kya bolungi ? Ki wapis 1 saal aur mere pr paise barbaad Karo taak mai ap logo ko wapis disappoint kru .. honestly they just said to work hard and itne sab ke baad bhi samjha rahe , result pr ik kalesh hoga but .. Idk kya karu, kisi cheez ke capable nahi hu, I didn't do anything pura zindagi, sab waste ho gaya, sabse crucial time mei I was just procrastinating and scrolling socials I don't even feel like talking to my friends/classmates ya even my bf ab, he did alot of efforts ki i study, apni jee ki times ki calculus ki books di, padhaya and everything but maine bilkul nahi kiya and uske type ka ekdum opposite bann gayi hu ... Teachers pura saal bolte rahe and I took everything so lightly Khudse nafrat ho gayi hai ki kuch nahi kiya apni zindagi, my classmates litreally earn money and do freelancing whilist mujhe jisse data scientist banna tha python bhi nahi ata upar se koi effort nahi liya self improvement ya kisi aur cheez mai Idek if I will ever overcome my procrastination and do stuff, my physical is getting horrible day by day, spiritually i am so disconnected, padhai toh bilkul nahi ho rahi, mere maa baap ke samne aane ka bhi Mann nahi krta Sirf sochti rahi and kuch nahi kiya, sab kuch down the pit hai Idek if any tier 4 pvt clg is gonna even accept me and after my result ik my parents won't spend 20-25lakhs on me for a shit course and jis tarah se sab hai I would end up being nothing in life Maine itna kuch karna tha, I had so many aspirations but wo sab bass dimaag mei hi reh gaya, I have litreally no skill and my life is just getting ruined

I just loss in life, parents won't believe in me any more and unki bezati alag rishtedaaro ke same, I already have no frnds and Ik aise hi raha toh my bf will leave me and correspondence se BA ke baad ghar pr padi rahungi ( femcel se koi shaadi nahi karta ) and taane sunti rahungi kyuki Maine na kuch padha na kuch seekha na kuch kiya khud ke liye ... Fucking rotted my whole life