my story (ex boyfriend)

i dated this guy 2 years ago it was sweet at first but it quickly turned bad after 3 months.

he started to ask for sex CONSTANTLY kept making sexual jokes like how he didnt need porn cause he has a girlfriend which sure isnt the worst thing said but this gets worse.

he would finger me where it hurt and i mean HURT it wasnt pleasurable in the slightest, then he kept asking if he could finger me more often and id say no then 5 minutes later he'd do it anyways.

the SA got worse where he begged and begged saying if i didnt have sex he'd kill himself and how if i didnt do it then i didnt love him so we tried 3 times and i said stop so we would until the last time we had proper sex where i was just staring at the roof dissociating and not making noises and he kept saying 'you can moan' but i couldnt until it began hurting so i told him 'stop' and he said word for word 'hold on im about go cum'

i also remember another time be tried to forcefully get on top of me and began pulling my pants down so i used my legs and kicked him off of me (he was quite large 100kg) and then he complained that it hurt, i still wonder how his parents didnt hear me yell 'get off me'

i have nightmares near nightly i dissociate daily and have flashbacks and remember the pain i felt but im trying to get better.