i already hate myself for not being a positive person

i don’t have a support system and feel so alone

i don’t have a stable support system at all and want to be there for people. but no one really tells me anything and i’m too much. i need people there for me

i got a complaint yesterday of being like: they wanted to say, “I appreciate it if you stopped telling about me about how shitty you’re doing” and “when are you going actually going to do good for once”

just don’t say “i’m here for you”, if you are just going to abandon me. i know people are busy but i had friends purposely leave me because “i’m too much and too negative”. it feels like i’m not allowed to vent/rant to anyone

i already feel lonely as it is, i just want to talk to a friend and with friendships, it feels like i’m the only one trying to make things work.

i deal with everything alone and drink my way out of it, all people want from me is to be positive and a love life

please don’t tell me about therapy/counselling. i have tried before and don’t want to talk about it