Choosing a life partner

Hi everyone, I'm 22 year-old female and I have been with my boyfriend for two years. At first when I met him. I was still brainwashed and indoctrinated. I was still Muslim. I used to pray with him. We used to fast Ramadan together. We used to send each other reminder to make duaa and things like that.Obviously in the beginning of the relationship everything felt nice and when you add to it this bond of religion, we felt very close to each other.Over the recent months I started to denounce the religion more and more and I am full on agnostic to atheist right now, and my boyfriend is planning to go to umrah Next month. I love him and everything between us is well and nice and I'm not gonna go on and start describing how good of a person he is with me,But I feel very conflicted.One of the things that he says to me is that he notices I've been experiencing a drop in faith and he would love for us to be able to rebound on that religious level again, and I understand him, he's not coming across as condescending or anything, but I understand that the bond was something that felt nice to him. He doesn't know I'm fully not Muslim and I pretend to fast Ramadan with him. My mom wears the hijab. My family is strict and I can't really pretend elsewise. My boyfriend is not oppressive and he doesn't tell me things like you have to wear the headscarf before we marry or whatever , he gently asks me if I can be with him when he prays because it makes him feel closer, at the same time I don't know... I can't come out to him because it's going to shock him and I know he loves me, but the problem is that the brainwashing Quran tells him that you cannot marry a girl who is not on the same religious wavelength.. so I know that it's going to be hard for him to accept it even though he loves me. I don't know what to do. I have been feeling depressed for the last few weeks... leaving your religion on its own is difficult because you feel like you've been lied your whole life, and on top of that this added pressure of the relationship. I'm really torn and I don't know what to decide. I would appreciate some gentle advice. I hope people don't tell me you just break up with him. You know how this is going to end up. Please understand that him and I love each other and it's not easy to just leave because you feel less religious.. i'm asking myself is it really going to be fair to him if I give him the illusion that I pray and I fast? He deserves another girl who doesn't lie to him regarding these things... at the same time should religion, which is a tool to divide people to cause more violence and harm take away the most beautiful relationship I've ever had? I have already experienced a lot of trauma because of this backward religion. one time I kissed my boyfriend and I cried the whole night. I prayed and I asked for repentance and then I asked myself.What is all this torture for? I'm just doing what every normal person would do when they feel affection towards somebody. Just like everyone here, this religion took away so much of me. Do I really want to let it take away my boyfriend..