How to resist the itching?

I have no idea if I have hemmorhoids or not and I am too embarrassed to go to the doctor. Yes I know that’s stupid. But it gets incredibly itchy down there and wiping and itching hard whilst wiping is so unbelievable satisfying short term but not long term. Also produces a lot of red stains on the toilet roll.

I think the wiping itching creates a downward spiral. I can’t use a bidet at work and sometimes it hard to wipe. Doesn’t matter how hard I wipe I can always get more brown on the paper if that makes sense. It feels like it’s excessive but if there is still residue what do I do?

I thought coconut oil helped but I keep forgetting to apply. Any advice/tips?