Ako nagbabayad ng lahat pag naghahang kami ng best friend ko

So yun na nga, as the title says. From the very beginning of our friendship since high school aware na ko na mas may pera talaga ako. Even if that meant a 1000 peso a week baon vs. her 300 peso a week baon. So kahit kakain lang kami sa karenderya ililibre ko na sya. Which is okay for me because I love seeing her and I NEED to see her and if I waited until she was financially capable, I would never see her.

As we grew older, my baon didn’t change but we did get jobs. Mine paid way more. So our karenderya dates turned into coffee shop dates that I paid for.

Then eventually, I got married to a partner who would support me financially in addition to my work pay— so all in all I am very comfortable financially while she’s a girl in her 20’s trying to make things work. SO I GET IT!

Ganto set up namin, I invite her to hang out tapos either I’ll book her a grab or pay for kung ano mang fare nya. Then while we’re together I pay for everything, kahit ano man yan. Resto bill, nail date, cafe bill, random shit we get sa mall, etc. kahit pasalubong for her mom. My partner and I even invite her to our travels, all expense paid. Wala akong complaints ever, I never say anything. Usually when we hang out I end up spending 10k-20k in a day. An amount that I prepare for mentally throughout the week naman.

Anyway, this week I got into some financial trouble. Di naman sya breaking, like di ako naubusan ng pera or nagkadebt. I just ended up spending around 200k in 1 week for something very important (that I can’t disclose) and I was telling her how this basically stressed me out financially and I felt like I couldn’t splurge on myself anymore until I could make the money back or at least some of it. Kinwento ko how I couldn’t sleep dahil don, and how I’m literally not letting myself eat nice food because nga ang gastos…

After the rant, we moved on to anong plans namin this weekend. Suggest ko movies kasi di masyadong magastos. During the convo minention nya “by the way will you buy this purse that you always wanted?” Sabi ko hindi because di ko nga kaya mag splurge on myself right now… tapos ang response nya “if it helps you feel any better I’m asking so you could get me a gift ;)” kasi whenever I get something pag magkasama kami, I get the exact one in a different color for her too.

AYON EDI NAIYAK AKO KASI BIGLANG NARAMDAMAN KO YUNG FINANCIAL BURDEN OF BEING HER FRIEND. THE FACT NA NEVER KO TALAGA SYA MAKIKITA UNLESS AKO NAGBABAYAD.

The problem is, I love her so very much. She does so much for me. I go through a lot of shit and malayo ako sa family ko so she’s really all I have. She isn’t fake or entitled or anything, I think we just accidentally got into this cadence of me paying and her not ever needing to ask. It was years of conditioning. I know she loves me too because mahirap talaga ako maging friend as a person with depression na laging may iniiyak na random thing hahahah.

So idk what to do at this point. Seeing her has become a luxury. A privilege I have to allow myself to have…