Don’t think I’ll ever leave no matter what

Sorry this is just a rant I guess as I have no one to speak to.

I feel so sad lonely and stuck. I genuinely don't even know what to do or where to begin. This relationship is hell. And I only remember just how horrible it is when we argue. Today we had an argument on text (if anyone's interested I can dm screenshots) he said something I had said was insulting and basically instead of just explaining that his feelings were hurt he started getting mad at me sarted insulting me. I sarted getting mad too and arguing with him back. He started insulting my looks next. I felt so hurt I don't feel like he deserves an apology when he behaved like this. I was trying to explain to him that what I had said was not out of spite or to be mean I didn't know he would see it as an insult and I said that fact that was insulting me on purpose with intention to hurt me was worse. I tried to apologise too but I have to admit I didn't do it straight away I find it hard to say sorry when someone is sat there being so mean and angry towards me. I don't really know how to leave I'm attracted to him really bad... he's made me so insecure today I got over any insecurities I had when I met him and started to think I was happy with my looks. I used to be so insecure when I was a teenager I couldn't even look at my reflection in the mirror. He's said things to me about my looks which must be true of course as how else would he notice them but now on top of all of this I feel so ugly and useless and pathetic

Anyway it was just a rant if you read this then thank you I understand the only thing I can do it leave him and just work on myself but I probably never will till he leaves me I don't know where to statt or what to do so I'll probably delete this soon and then just make another rant Ina. Few weeks and the cycle will continue.