I’m almost 21 and I’m too anxious to apply to a new job.

To start this off, I’m really sorry if my grammar is bad, English isn’t my first language.

I’m 20 and I live with my parents, I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety when I was 17. I always knew I had it, but I didn’t know it could get this bad.

In Germany here, they have these things called ‘Praktikum’ and that’s where you can apply to a job when you’re still in school to get some experience for 2 weeks (no pay though sadly.) I did do those, worked at a bakery for a bit, and a shoe store for a day (don’t ask please).

I only finished 10th grade here and after that due to mental health issues I wasn’t able to do much. I was so depressed for 2-3 years, i tried going back to school which didn’t work out again.

I applied to a retail job at 19 and that was the worst experience of my life. I was so anxious every single day to go in, I felt like no matter what I did, it was wrong. I felt so slow learning everything and being at the cash register made me want to curl up in a ball and cry most times. With time, I got used to it (kind of) and that’s when they fired me. They didn’t give me a reason. Even once, a coworker told me I should use more deodorant which made my heart drop. I always make sure to take care of myself, shower everyday and use so many products just to avoid having bad odor. She said that to me in front of another coworker, after I clocked out I just went home and cried.

I did some research and it seems a lot of people also struggle with bad BO when it comes to anxiety. Whenever I’m stressed and feel anxious, I do notice it and I try to apply deodorant but it doesn’t seem to help!! That’s why I’ve been so avoidant to find another job and put myself out there again.

I would appreciate if anyone has some recommendations for that. I really wanna get back into working and help my parents. I wish I didn’t feel so slow compared to other people when it came to the most basic stuff either but I’m willing to try. I can’t just sit here and wait for absolute nothing to happen.