My Story (Ex boyfriend BIG TW)

so i dated this guy for 8-ish months (feb to november 2023) it was all nice for 3 months then it wasnt.

it began by strange sexual comments that were just coming from out the blue he started to ask for sex alot an kept making sexual jokes like how he didnt need porn cause he has a girlfriend now which sure many guys say that..

he tried to finger me an it hurt and i mean HURT it wasnt pleasurable in the slightest, then he kept asking if he could finger me more often and id say no then 5 minutes later he'd do it anyways. (same with eating me out)

the SA got worse where he begged and begged saying if i didnt have sex he'd kill himself and how if i didnt do it then i didnt love him so we tried 3 times and i said stop so we would until the last time we had proper sex where i was just staring at the roof dissociating and not making noises and he kept saying 'you can moan' but i couldnt until it began hurting so i told him 'stop' and he said word for word 'hold on im about go cum'

i also remember another time be tried to forcefully get on top of me and began pulling my pants down so i used my legs and kicked him off of me (he was quite large 100kg) and then he complained that it hurt, i still wonder how his parents didnt hear me yell 'get off me'

im still healing trying to get over the flashbacks daily and the nightmares, not to mention ive began to oversexualise myself since then and became hypersexual where if im upset in the slightest i instantly go to pleasuring myself but i feel sick and guilty afterwards.

not to mentiom i havent dated since him and now im only attracted older men (maybe just issue with me cause my dad had been there but also at the same not)