I’m a new person

This time around it only took me two months to be at my heaviest weight again (I'm even a bit with more heavier now). I already outgrew all my fat clothes and the weight it's noticeable even when wearing oversized clothes. All I wear now are big tees and pants. My body proportions are of a fat girl now, even my face got fat. Also, unintentionally I stopped I caring about beautifying myself, I stopped doing my makeup and straightening my hair. Since gaining. I haven't stopped hitting the gym, and today I realize I became pretty average, guys stopped looking at me. I kinda feel a lost the pretty skinny privilege I had and l'm not longer conventionally attractive, which I don't care at all. I'd rather be alone at home sitting on my couch and watching TV while I eat around 4000 cal for dinner. But honestly, I'm a bit worried because I became completely addicted to this and I wonder when l'm gonna stop or at what size l'm gonna end up. I’m gaining EXTREMELY FAST. But anyways, my deepest fantasy is becoming a reality. I literally let myself go.