Anyone else feels like NEETdom was/is inevitable?

So to preface, I’m not a NEET yet (still in education technically) but I haven’t been going to university for 3 months now. Strangely enough, ever since I was a child I knew it would come to this. I’ve never managed to find a place in school where I could truly fit in. I did have some friend circles at the very start but I was always the backup friend, the 5th wheel. Upon entering HS, I thought it’d be cool to play the mysterious guy and ignore everyone that came to talk to me to probe their interest, they sure came to talk to me at first and I did get the attention I wanted but that quickly faded and I ended up just being the bullied outcast no friends loser for my freshman year. I thought I’d learnt from that experience so on my second year but I realized the damage that one year had done to my psyche. I became afraid of people and couldn’t even utter a sentence without stuttering or even maintain eye contact for longer than a second, and yet again for the rest of the year, I was the outcast. Things didn’t change on my final year of HS and upon entering college, I’d hoped for change as my mom told me "it gets better in college" but nothing. I can’t stand people looking at me because I can tell they know I’m a loser, people laugh at me in public, make fun of my appearance, the way I walk, my eyes, among other things. When I was a kid my dearest wish was to win the lottery so I’d never have to work, deep down, I knew, all the paths I could have taken ultimately would lead to this. I have no friends, no social interaction besides the cashier from the convenience store who most definitely knows I’m the loser he thinks I am. I hate other people, I hate life but I also hate myself for being so retarded. I don’t plan on resuming my education nor to look for a job, I’m just going to leech on my family until I can’t then kick the chair.