I feel 'wounded' from constantly being described as too intense, too much

I've always tried to be self-aware and put a lot of effort into being considerate. Despite this, I struggle with social cues and misinterpret them. I've had friends, family, teachers all call too intense and overwhelming. I've worked to respond to the criticsm, because I genuinely care about others’ feelings. But no matter how much effort I put in, I still make mistakes.

One thing that seemed to keep coming up was in my messaging. I would send messages too often, using too many words, and being too affectionate. I'd often send a message, and then when they hadn't replied a few days later send another, and then another. Retrospectively, it is obvious how that must have been overwhelming, but at the time I thought I was doing things right, so it was a huge shock. Since then, I made a rule to wait 7–15 days before messaging if someone doesn’t reply.

I have ADHD, level 2 autism, and struggle with selective mutism. I crave conversation but often end up waiting for replies, which feels agonizing. Lately, I’ve broken my waiting rule, but I still worry about being too much. My rejection-sensitive dysphoria makes it even harder to tell if I did something wrong or if I’m just imagining it. Being called "too intense" has stuck with me, and I don’t even know what it truly means. I’ve had to play detective to figure it out, and it’s exhausting. I think what makes it hard is that I truly miss so many social cues and just fail to understand other people, so despite being a very kink and caring person, I end up burning people out. It has made me really panicky, because I just want to be a kind and caring friend but I don't know how much or how little of myself to put out there. Recently I made a new friend who I really like talking to, and I really like talking to her everyday, but I don't know if she likes talking to me everyday in return? I don't know how to solve this.