Positive testimony on Xoloft and anxiety

Hello everyone, I had promised myself to come and write on this sub when I felt better, so here I am.

I absolutely wanted to write about my experience because when I was feeling down, reading about other people's experiences on Reddit, online blogs, or comments on YouTube videos dedicated to the subject made me feel much better because I felt less alone. Often, loneliness is the hardest part during a difficult psychological episode. Moreover, too many comments were pessimistic or even depressing, shared by people who were probably at rock bottom and desperate. Although I understand these people, too few decide to come back later, when they feel better, to share their recovery. As a result, the balance between positive and negative testimonials is biased by people's suffering.

In my testimony, I might mix up what is called "Depression" and "Anxiety." These two issues are distinct, but they are also very often linked; they dance around each other. Indeed, 9 times out of 10, a person suffering from depression also suffers from anxiety.

Spoiler alert: Antidepressants (specifically Xolft/Sertraline) worked for me. I would first like to present my testimony and then give some advice for those who are interested.

Personal Experience

I am a 28-year-old man, living in Paris and married. I have already experienced two antidepressant treatments in the past 5 years, the first in 2019 (Paroxetine, 1 year of treatment), then a relapse in 2021 (sertraline, 6 months). The summer of 2024 was my third depressive/anxious episode, following my thesis defense, which was certainly a trigger for my relapse.

I was suffering from generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, and various phobias. Living in constant stress eventually led to a mild depression in me, but overall, my main issue was chronic anxiety.

Unlike my first depression, I did not wait long before turning to a doctor when I experienced another panic attack (it had been years since I felt this way, and I was terrified).

The stress of finishing my thesis and the subsequent relaxation must have disrupted my nervous system because my condition only worsened after my thesis. I went on vacation but was overwhelmed by fatigue, headaches, anxiety, and my panic attacks became more frequent. I couldn't rest.

Although I knew that antidepressants are not harmful, I was disheartened because I felt like I hadn't managed to overcome this on my own. In hindsight, this mindset was purely about ego and pride, which is quite common in patients with these disorders. Due to my anxiety issues, I was prescribed Sertraline. 25 mg in the first week, 50 mg for 3 weeks, then 75 mg after the third week. I started my treatment at the end of August 2024.

I would describe depression as the manifestation of three symptoms: 1) physical exhaustion (feeling very heavy, difficulty getting out of bed, constant fatigue), 2) cognitive exhaustion (headaches, dizziness, inability to concentrate, memory lapses, difficulty performing basic tasks like reading or socializing), and often, but not always, emotional instability (crying unexpectedly, feeling empty, despair).

The treatment is a battle; it can make you feel worse for several days before you start to feel better. I remember telling myself, "3 weeks! After 3 weeks, everything will be better." I started to feel positive changes by the second week, but they didn't last. I can now say that after 4 weeks, I started to feel consistently better without interruption. I assure you, during those 4 weeks, I felt good at times but not continuously; anxiety and depression would strike randomly.

Advices

Here are some tips that might help you in your daily life:

1. Learn to rejoice in the smallest daily progress and take a step back from any setbacks. To do this, you must first distinguish between symptoms related to your depression/anxiety and the side effects of the treatment. It's not always easy to understand whether what you're feeling is due to the medication or the illness. To help you, consult your doctor. For example, if you didn't have stomachaches before starting the treatment, then it's a side effect. Progress will be made both in terms of your depression and the side effects of the medication. In the first week, you might feel nauseous, which disappears in the second week—that's progress. After 2 weeks, you might feel less anxiety but still severe depression; focus on the progress made with anxiety. In the end, you will feel 100% better on all fronts; you just need to be patient. One day, you might manage to go grocery shopping and even cook something good, and the next day, you might stay home and eat pizza. It's never a big deal; focus on the improvements, no matter how slow they seem.
2. Here is a list of side effects I experienced -> extreme fatigue/inability to move (end of the first week and second week), stomachaches (a few days in the first week), brain fog (weeks 1/2/3), loss of appetite (week 1), increased anxiety (end of week 1 and week 2), dark thoughts (1-2 brief moments during the first two weeks).
3. If possible (be kind to yourself if you break these rules), avoid drinking coffee or alcohol for a while. The former is a stimulant that promotes anxiety, and the latter is a depressant.
4. Walk! Walk! Walk! As much as you can. You will be fighting your thoughts and ruminations—a flood of thoughts and emotions that will overwhelm you. You are not currently capable of dealing with them satisfactorily; try to distract yourself and clear your mind as much as possible. Walking and exercise are excellent for this. In the long term, appropriate therapy will help you sort out these thoughts and emotions. Breathing exercises are also helpful for coping with difficult moments.
5. Don't rely too much on other people's testimonials. Everyone experiences this battle uniquely. Take the information that seems relevant, inspiring, and reassuring to you, but don't panic if you don't relate to someone else's experience (including mine :) ).
6. Talking to your loved ones: This depends on your environment. Some people (friends, loved ones, colleagues) may not understand you, and you shouldn't hold it against them. What you're going through can seem very strange to someone who has never experienced it. If you remember, you might have been the same way before, believing that willpower alone could overcome anything. Try to find someone you think will be receptive and try not to focus too much on them. Depression/anxiety is also difficult for those around you. Try to have multiple people you can share your suffering with in turn. The best thing to do is to make an appointment with a psychologist (if you can afford it) who specializes in "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" (CBT) and see them regularly (once a week if possible). When you feel better, I strongly recommend continuing to see your therapist, perhaps less frequently, but it is essential to understand yourself better in the future so that this experience is the last.
7. Anxiolytics: Antidepressants have shown no long-term side effects. The public is often misinformed about this medication and confuses it with "anxiolytics." The latter are very effective but should be taken sparingly and under the supervision of a doctor who will monitor your intake. I occasionally took anxiolytics during the 4 weeks of Sertraline treatment to cope with the most difficult moments and to handle emergencies with more confidence. These occasional uses did not make me dependent, and I stopped taking them once the antidepressant started to work. If you have trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor about possibly prescribing sleeping pills for a short period.
8. To confine yourself or not -> I decided to dedicate myself 100% to understanding and treating this illness. I was fortunate to have social security, unemployment benefits, and health insurance, but I realize that for some of you, it is unthinkable to confine yourself during recovery (family, work). However, if you can afford it or if loved ones can take care of you, don't hesitate too much because what you need is rest and to minimize stress as much as possible. Staying home too much is not ideal either, as boredom and lack of activity can lead to rumination. In any case, it's a difficult ordeal, and to alleviate it, you will need to learn to balance between doing nothing and resting and forcing yourself to do something to avoid too much rumination. This balance is very hard to find, given that nothing seems appealing, and you have no energy, but doing nothing also risks letting the worst intrusive thoughts take control.
9. Keeping a journal: This advice can be hard to follow because often you don't have the strength or discipline. However, keeping a journal has several advantages: a) It allows you to "fix" the thoughts that torment you, to release certain ruminations that you have in your head and never come out. Writing them down can convince you that your thoughts are stored, and even if they don't have answers, at least they are there, and you can come back to them when you're ready. b) It helps you have an objective view of your progress. During your journey of several weeks, you will sometimes feel good, sometimes empty, and sometimes very bad. Writing it down helps you be less fatalistic. For example, one day you might feel very sad and start to think that it has "ALWAYS" been this way. Even though you know it's not true, you are convinced of it. The journal helps you remember that some moments were less painful and focus on your recovery.
10. I'm sharing a YouTube playlist of videos dedicated to the subject for those who are interested. The videos are in French, but some are in English. https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLL2GtcAVIgK-fEcE42H9lyLDGt5sPPPQE&si=pCGMFUw9DqJXusJ_

Conclusion

Patience is key. You might be in a long tunnel right now and can't see the end. It exists, and if you're here, it's because you've already done more than half the journey. You are aware of your problem, you are seeking to resolve it, AND you will succeed. Don't believe that you are weak or lack willpower because having such a disorder can clearly indicate the opposite -> You might have invested too much in your work or a relationship. You might have faced traumatic episodes that didn't heal properly. Sometimes it might just be a serotonin deficiency, as some people are born with. No one would say that a diabetic is "weak" because they can't manage their sugar levels. Is Michael Phelps weak? The greatest athlete of all time? No, maybe just misinformed and careless about his invincibility, but not weak.

In the face of the absolutes that depression makes you endure, don't jump to hasty conclusions. Your own brain is playing tricks on you. You will get better; you just need to be patient.