I want to go home

I'm writing this because maybe someone else has had a similar experience or is going through it right now. If you have any advice, feel free to share. I'm in my early 20s, and I really want and need to live with my family, but I can't. I moved out as soon as I could after I turned 18. It took a little time-- I think I was 19 when I left. My family, particularly my mom and brother, destroyed my mental health in different ways as a teen. My brother bullied me relentlessly for undiagnosed traits as a kid/teen. My mom and I have had a strained relationship for a long time. She refuses therapy she needs. It feels like she's keeping me from having mom. It hurts. My relationship with my dad is ok, but it feels like my mom is always looming in. It all came to a head when my entire family betrayed my trust. I am LGBT, but I've never talked to my family about it. My mom did some snooping, and she assumed I was LGBT but not the correct identity. She and my dad went to a therapist for a bit to figure out how to approach the conversation. They didn't tell me this until I was brought into "family therapy." I'd been trying to get them to do family therapy for a while. When I got there, I realized it was about me. It was several agonizing weeks. My mom said some the most homophobic, transphobic things I've ever heard her say. All the worst things, and she kept pushing for conversion therapy while denying that's what it would be. My dad was quiet a lot, but would intergect over my mom sometimes. It seems like he disagreed with a lot of what she was saying but wouldn't defend me because it would destroy their relationship. He said that he wanted me to have space to figure out me at one point and that it wasn't really their business. The therapist was professional, but I don't know how she held it together with the way my mom was acting. She suggested gender exploration therapy for me as a compromise. Then, I found out my entire extended family talked behind my back about me and what they assumed I identified with. At the next holiday, everyone met up, and they all made sly comments that were just aggressions against my assumed identity. One family member wasn't involved. I have loose contact with her. I got out. I can't go back. I live with strangers for roommates. We get along ok kind of. I have to work full time. I'm so burnt out. I don't have time to do things I enjoy or make friends or find a partner. I want to feel like I have a mom and dad. I'm tired. I dream about being home with my family, but they're not mean to me, and none of the bad stuff ever happened. I wake up crying after a lot of days. I have no support outside of my therapist at the moment, who is a poor fit. I've been on a waitlist for a few years for a formal assessment, and it should happen sometime next year. I'm the only one taking care of me. I feel like I'm doing a bad job. I need help. I go to bed hungry a lot because I don't have the capacity to cook or eat most days. I feel like a kid with how I struggle with daily tasks. I want to go home.