I have no idea what's going on

Gay man, in case any of this is important, I have ADHD, and autism.

So I'm pretty confident I'm gay, but I've had this thing for a while now. I feel attraction to men , but actually being attracted to a given man is quite rare, and to a lot of women I feel this weird 'fake attraction', where there's a fleeting sense of attraction, and it never lasts long, like we're talking a few minutes, or even seconds, it never feels genuine, and I feel this weird sense of regret and despair when it passes, or when I think about it, as well. But it happens to more women than with men. I wouldn't call this a sense of real attraction, hence why I refer to it as 'fake'. It makes me feel like I'm attracted, but when I even think about acting on it, and when it passes, I feel like I'm in despair.

With men, the attraction is more longstanding, (though there are very few men I am actually attracted to, or have ever been attracted to) and I can imagine being in a relationship of some kind, and I actually feel attraction that doesn't fade within minutes or seconds, and leave me in that pit of despair, attraction that actually feels more real when compared to the 'fake attraction' I feel to women, even if I feel that 'fake attraction' more often.

I wouldn't say I'm attracted to women whatsoever. I have no desire to be in a relationship of any kind with a woman, and I have felt no desire to be with one beyond the fleeting sense of attraction I feel towards women, which, again, is a few minutes at best, and always leaves me in despair, regret, and confusion. But I've googled this sort of thing, and there's nothing. What the hell is going on? Am I the only one in the world who's like this?