I just want to be held and loved again

It’s been almost 10 years since my mom died and I miss being held and loved so badly.. I haven’t really had anyone touch/ hold me in years, and I don’t even want my family to, I don’t want my dad to because I know he wouldn’t mean it or want to, it’ll just be awkward (especially since he used to make fun of me for cuddling with her when I was 8-11 yrs old before she died).. I just want someone who makes me feel safe to do it..

It’s 1 of the few things I want, but know I can’t have because I’m too awkward and shy around people, I don’t talk much, not a fan of people touching me anymore(not even family), but yeah..