M27 F27, together for almost 8 years. Married for almost 5 years wife found out husband has been reaching out to people to find out about his ex. I’m struggling mentally, how can I handle this and is this relationship over?

We’ve been together for so long, and I honestly feel so disappointed and letdown. I feel just as shocked and hurt as I felt the first time I found out he reached out. I had no idea it was this consistent. I had no idea he was embarrassing me in front of other people. I feel like a total clown. I have been very vocal about wanting his attention or needing for him to be more present. Especially with this communication. I honestly have no idea what to do or how to approach the situation. He’s literally asking his friends for screenshots of her account and screenshots of her pictures individually. He’s clearly showing interest in her while being with me. I feel so heartbroken. It feels like I’m never good enough and I think I never was enough for him. He’s always talked about wanting to leave me and that he feels stuck with me. I feel like things just keeps solidifying the fact that no matter what I do it won’t be enough. I try my hardest every day to show him that I care and that I love him. I make his lunch almost every single day for work. I drop him off most days. I pick him up most nights at 12 AM. I’d like to think that we have great chemistry in the bedroom. I feel like I put out often. I’m an extremely loyal person and maybe it’s too a fault. Starting to feel like he knows I’m not going anywhere so it doesn’t really matter how I’m treated. I feel so embarrassed. I feel so letdown. Like my effort was only ever half seen because his heart and mind was only half mine. I feel like I’ve been living. A lie. I haven’t slept all night. I’ve been crying all night. He is sound asleep.

The messages indicate that he cares about her feelings and he’s thinking about her.

To me that means he doesn’t care enough about mine or think enough about me.

There’s a quote somewhere out there about how men shouldn’t be afraid to hurt someone else’s feelings for your woman. I’m so baffled right now. He’s literally hurt my feelings and is caring and thinking about someone else’s. This was a couple years ago. But I’m just finding out. He wanted to congratulate her on her graduation and I’m truly not sure why he is keeping this relationship I thought ended. We both agreed. He even calls my ex “the enemy” yet I’m finding out he’s not even loyal to me Infront of others.

I don’t know if he will do enough to prove to me that shit doesn’t matter anymore. I’m scared for what this means for my life. I feel the betrayal so deeply. like he looks into my eyes and wished it was her. My mind is racing and I want to puke.

I truly feel like I can’t catch a break in this lifetime. I’ve been through cancer. I still deal with the aftermath today. Yes he was there for me through all of it. Just when It was getting good, and thought I was receiving a genuine love.. I’m met with finding these messages to 3 friends for updates on the girl. What do I do I feel like Kms. TLDR went through his phone found out he’s been reaching out to friends about his ex. Don’t know what to do from here