Too Much

Hey. It’s me again… It’s been 2 years since the moment you decided to break off our friendship and I’m sure you forgot all about that, and me, but I haven’t. I think back to it often, and your words still fill me with doubt and insecurity.

You asked me to open up to you and open up I did. I was vulnerable and honest, but I guess the gruesome truth was too much for you.

I just found it so shocking that after having told you that my mental health was so wrecked and that I was experiencing suffocating suicidal thoughts you decided the best thing for “us” was to part ways. I was “too much” for you! This isn’t fair! You were the one that told me to open up- you said that you wanted to know more about what was going on with me. I wasn’t even going to tell you these things but I did because I trusted you and this is how you repay me?

I guess I should’ve thanked you for making my worst nightmare come true.

I already knew that I was messed up and I absolutely feared that my problems would suffocate someone else. I was right. I was so damn right! And I shouldn’t have followed that inkling of hope that was starting to fill my chest, telling me that I, too have a chance.

But what hurts me most is that I never would’ve left you in your time of need. I would’ve stuck by you no matter what “spark” went out, because, at the end of the day, I wasn’t just with you for the laughs and the good times- I was there for the times that you might’ve needed someone to talk to, someone who cared. I would’ve appreciated your company even if we sat in silence. It hurts that it wasn’t the same for you.

Maybe I’m being selfish and at times it feels like I am but sometimes it hurts so much that I can’t help but be so angry with you.

I wish you cared.

Sincerely,