Amicable breakups are painful

This is my first time writing something like this on an online forum and my first time experiencing a healthy relationship, for that matter. Not sure why I’m even posting this. Maybe the idea of anonymity while venting gives me a sense of comfort.

It wasn’t a long relationship at all, but I fell in love with this girl entirely - every little bit of her, flaws and all. I’m usually a pretty detached person and it takes me forever to become emotionally vulnerable with someone. It happened in no time with her which is when I knew I found someone special. For a stretch of time, it felt like everything was perfect. That I had found my soulmate. I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else and still can’t.

Out of the blue, she wanted to break things off and after digging a bit deeper, I found out that a major reason was because of finances. She has certain health conditions that could likely restrict her ability to work after marriage (I won’t explain further out of respect for her) so for the long term, she needed someone with a very secure job and good health insurance. I have a career in a volatile field (marketing) so it made her apprehensive in continuing the relationship, as I could lose my job at any given moment and we wouldn’t have a backup source of income until I found something else. With the job market being so shitty, who knows how long that could take.

I completely respected her decision and we ended things on very good terms. I don’t have an ounce of resentment in my heart towards her because she was truly one of the best people I had the pleasure of crossing paths with. And that’s what hurts the most. I can’t be mad at her. I can’t be angry at anything. I just need to wallow in this sadness for God knows how long.

I wish she knew how far I was willing to go to make it work. I would have even taken up additional part time jobs if needed. I hate that money is such an obstacle to a happy relationship, but that’s life I suppose.