It's Not Getting Better

I (44m) posted about a year ago how my wife (46f), who beat breast cancer, suffers a low libido and as a result is completely disinterested in sex. We're probably at once every 60 - 90 days. It's 100% maintenance on her part and it's obvious and demoralizing.

I'm still suffering with the frustration of not having regular sex and the deep pain of having little to no intimacy and feeling unwanted.

I've been working out, eating better and generally focusing on improving both my physical and mental health. An unexpected side effect of these new habits is my increased libido. You can see how this is a problem.

I keep flashing back to a conversation we were having where she mentioned a friend's husband having intimacy problems and she just casually let out how she said " tell him to do what OP does and just masturbate" and she said it in a joking way. Clearly blind to how this has affected me to the point she thinks joking about it is ok. Or even that broadcasting to her friends that I have to beat off to satisfy myself is ok. I did clarify to her that it wasn't ok and that I am struggling.

I've been struggling with the idea of infidelity. I'm definitely getting more attention from women and it's so much harder to just keep walking or pretend there isn't an intense attraction. Some days I wake up horny and know that I'm going to go to bed the same way and right then and there I decide I'm going to do something risky like find a hookup on reddit or flirt back with a random woman I encounter that day and "see where it leads" I know I'm getting desperate because I've been "gray area" ing my sexuality where I'll rationalize a hookup with a trans woman as "not really cheating" because there's no emotional connection with another "woman". I know this is toxic, but my mind goes there regardless. I've even been masturbating to bi-sexual themed porn, but I can't tell if it's because it's so taboo that it sends my starved libido into overdrive or if I'm really interested in man-butt lol.

Of course I don't go through with any of it, but how much longer can/ should I hold out?

I feel like I'm approaching a turning point and I'm afraid of where it will go. I just know I can't do this for the rest of my life and the " D" word is becoming difficult to ignore.