Dating sucks but I guess its no different then a slow death

This is a long post sorry in advance but this has been weighing on my mind for so long.

I (21 M) have been dating (26 F) since around this time last year. And looking back at our relationship, its just been spiraling down hill. We met online, I noticed she had similar hobbies and we hit it off right away. We didnt really have a proper first date, nothing I consider a date anyways but she's a homebody so our first "date" watching tv at my apartment and chatting. She kissed me before she left and not long after maybe a few weeks after that she asked me to be her boyfriend.

Initially I felt, overwhelmed because it felt too soon of a decision for her to make. And in my prior experience with dating I at least knew the person for several months. But thought to myself at the time well that was HS and I was friends with both people I dated during that time before hand so maybe things are just a little different. Months go by and I either hang out with her at her house, either watching tv together or just sitting with her while she played video games. I mostly just sat next to her drawing and I was fine with just chilling. If weren't doing that we were well, doing each other. I know such a mature way to say it.

My Gf is hypersexual and im demisexual, long expiration short under im the ace umbrella but not sex repulsed. Im happy enough to please her if that's what she wants. But, over months of doing that same routine, just watching tv and fooling around, thats when I first started feeling, strained.

I wanted to go out to dinner or go see a movie together and be all cheesy and hold hands during the movie type shit. But, she didnt want to. She's a homebody. We only went out somewhere TWICE last year, once to the bookstore because her roommate asked us if we wanted to go and two was to a store because I wanted to try and spoil her with somethings she wanted because she was so depressed.

We are long distance now, due to some drama with her roommate at the time and she ended up having to move to her home state with her sister and brother in law. She moved there in October and I finally got some time off where our schedules aligned in January of this year. And I was so excited to see her. Long distance relationships are hard and we had a few fights while apart that didnt feel super great.

None of that mattered in the moment because id finally get to see her. I was excited for whatever were going to do together the days I was going to be there but something she said made all that crashing down.

She told me that she didnt feel comfortable or too anxious to go any where in that place where, here's the funny part, HAS BEEN ASKING ME FOR MONTHS TO MOVE TO. She told me that she didnt feel safe but when I initially brought up my uncertainty about it when she first asked, she brushed me off. I asked her if was coming all that way for several days what were we going to do? She gets quiet and starts backtracking and apologizing and saying that she's find something for us to do. And I just dropped the subject.

The time comes for my trip there and guess what we do? First thing she does is want to get intimate, sure we havent seen each in months makes sense. Directly after that she plays video games all evening, makes her self food, then we do it a second time while im much more jet lagged so I just give in to her because I was exhausted from travel. the next few days of sleeping in and watching tv started to weigh on me because it felt like I was rotting in that bed after awhile. She wanted to get intimate some other time that week and I wasnt feeling into it half way in and we stop. She seemed frustrated and completely ignored me for the rest of the night, didnt even try to touch or hug or kiss me until the day I was leaving. I was just craving any amount of affection that wasnt sexual.

The trip was supped to make me feel better after missing for so long but I just felt empty. We dont talk as much because of her shitty job and physical/mental health issues, she's been distant and she has apologized. But I cant help but to feel like shit, I want her attention so bad just anything! I get so irrationally angry in my mind, I get paranoid and stress and its declined my health so much. I cant help but to feel this is all my fault somehow. That im such a terrible partner and thats why things are this way.

I just cant shake the feeling that I deserved this.