I need help

Does anybody know of a way I could get help without having to pay or my mom finding out. My mom already knows that I struggle with eating and she refuses to get me therapy bc it's not I'm my insurance. I'm pretty sure she could afford it since she spends her money on unimportant things. I'm falling back into my hole of depression and I can't let my sister have a dead sibling or my mom a dead daughter or my bf a dead partner but idk how much longer I can take this.