Emotionally unavailable men

My now ex, broke up with me 3 days before my bday, and needless to say, I was shattered.

And thia came with me expressing to him that I am having bithhday "blues" and coming to the realization that the reason I get depressy everytimr my bday comes is because I was never celebrated growing up. So I said, let's change that. I told him I want to go to this National Park so I handled and prepared everything, he paid for the lodging & drove us. But the only thing I asked is maybe, get the dog ans I some party hats and a birthday streamer for a little celebration for me. And it's not going to be gard for him bec he literally lives a block from the party store.

Night before we checked out, no "celebrations" happened. I was already depressy to start with so I was disappointed. And then everything came funelling down. My disappointments, my unhappiness, him making me feel inferior. I was crying myself to bed while he sleeps peacefully, as usual.

On our drive down from the mountains, the "nagging" continued, and that is my fault, I should have handled it differently because who wants to be nagged all the time. But this dude has alwaya stonewalled me when I try to communicate, I was at my wit's end because he didnt feel guilty nor remorse about the whole "party hat" thing. It may sound so immature, hut it actually meant a lot to me. And this is not the first time I specifically asked for something that he didn't do. I know there is a lapse jn communication and has always told me he doesnt understand most of the time what I need, so I started to "spell" most things for me, to make both of our lives easier.

When he went home, he called me to break-up with me. He said that it sucks that it's your burthday and all, but I need to do this for me, to be selfish and for my mental health.

"You broke me, you made me think about my emotions and feel emotions that I don't wanna have. I've told you this before."

I said, "good, then it worked! You finally felt something"

This dude and I started ring shoppping a month ago, and then all of a sudden he switched into a guy that called me, you are just a stranger now to me, I dont give a shit about what you do now. So fucking heartless. We were together for 2+ years.

We had one last convo before I went NC. I've told him that although it sucks and so sad that you broke up with me, it actually felt like a relief to me. I know in my heart that this is a long time coming, but didnt have the balls to do it because I know that I will hurt you, so I hoped for change and better days, but it didn't. So he asked, "so you decide to just hate me?" I said, no I don't hate you, if anything you made my life a little bit easier. Told him to not answer if I call, and let's agree to that. He said, "then just stop calling me!"

This dude never loved me, i was there when he had nothing and now he was put on a better pedestal because he is making much more now, and he greatly changed. Arrogance and priviledge, which I think is also my fault now because I have put him there?

I was shocked, but in retrospect, not really. My ego got bruised that he decided to break up with me, yes. And this breakup made me feel worthless, yes. But I know that I'm going to get through this.

Lean om the ones you love people! Your "village" will aleays have your back and ask for all the help you need, the people that love you don't see this as a burden, they love you and jnderstand you're going through a rough time.

I am still riddled with nughtmares and a lot of sadness, but just gotta give myself grace and patience while I'm riding the wave of emotions.

I'm glad I got out when I did, imahine a whole life with that person that never seem to care and understand you.