Living a double life that no one really knows about

The past couple years have been rough in ways mentally and financially. I do now have a normal 9-5 job but that doesn’t still quite pay the bills or achieving the lifestyle I want. Long story short, I do stripping and selling drugs on the side. Only like one person is aware of this (surprisingly understands) but it’s hard living this double life. In the end, I need to do these things to get by. I have a girl who knows what I’m up too cause I had to explain it to her. “How come we can’t a lot on certain hours of the weekend?” Sat her down, saying this what it is, this what I have to do for now. If you love me you’ll understand but if not, I get it and you can leave. It’s ok for now but I’m getting older and it’s a fast lifestyle that doesn’t last forever. Eventually I want to make the transition but when facing debt, paying bills, and a certain lifestyle…things need to be done. All this came about when I got lost my job for a 6 month period and needed to dig my way out as I don’t have help elsewhere. But as I get older as a man, it’s not ideal…just needed the quick money. This was more of a way of venting.