It’s my birthday today

So many people love me. Cherish me. They do so much for me but I’m just not here anymore. I don’t know when it happened. Honestly I’ve not been here for a long time. I don’t know where I went. I just don’t feel anything except this crushing sense of sadness. So, as selfish as it may sound, I can’t really appreciate all the love and the guilt is killing me. I want to be able to but I just can’t. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. I just want to cry and sleep. I wanted to be happy today of all days but that’s a privilege I’m not yet entitled to.