Why do I feel the need to be lonely & cry about it?

I don't know how to put this, but I've been wondering if I'm the only one experiencing this and why this happens.

To put simply, I sometimes feel like I want/need to be lonely. I recognize this itself is wrong, since I also want and need the company of others. I yearn to belong and be wanted, but once the feeling of loneliness hits, I start to provoke it more. E.g. I start daydreaming of scenarios that make me cry etc etc. I also find myself imagining my future without a family and friends, sort of wishing I had none so I could really say I'm lonely, if that makes sense. Of course I don't want my family or friends to be gone, dear god no, but I get that feeling from time to time. And while I start feeling like this I also want to cry? It's not a rare occasion for me to cry in bed before I fall asleep. Why is this?

Of course, the reason why I feel lonely is because I lack a proper community IRL. I do live with my family and we spend every night at least an hour of just playing UNO & eating together, but they don't fulfill this need. They're not the people I'd go first talking about my problems. This doesn't explain the previously mentioned questions, however, or then I don't realize how this lack of a community explains them.

TL;DR: I sometimes feel like I'd want my family & friends be gone so I could really be lonely. While at it I also knowingly make myself cry. Don't know why.