Should we keep the baby and stay together?

23F (we’ll call her J) and 30M (we’ll call him A) have been friends for 3 years and will have been exclusively seeing each other for a year in late April. They just recently found out J is pregnant (3 weeks 6 days) and have been discussing what happens next and would like an outside opinion (not that your suggestions majorly influence a decision, it’s just nice to hear what other people think). We can keep the baby, stay together and be a family. Or we can have an abortion and break up for good.

Some background: J is currently in school at an extremely elite university after taking gap years and still has a year and half left. Her school is known for being understanding to those with non traditional paths and it would be easy to take a year and a half off to be pregnant and stay with baby and then finish up her degree. She also has a part time job with the best bosses that would keep her until she can’t work anymore.

A is from a different continent but has lived in the same city as J for many years now. He has a solid career but is a bit unfulfilled and looking for better. He eventually wants to move back home and J is understanding of that and would only want to stay in current city to get degree and then happy to move afterwards.

In May 2024, J found out she was pregnant after J & A went on vacation and she had an abortion. It was one of the most traumatic things she ever went through. She had a medical abortion alone at home. It was physically draining and the hardest thing. She was in so much pain and would run to the bathroom, blood leaking out of her. She crumpled on the bathroom floor in fetal position clutching her stomach in pain and clumps of blood and tissue spilling out of her. Emotionally, she was a wreck. She went through such a scary thing alone (A went on a vacation) and is still traumatized by it.

She has only just started opening up to A about how terrible it was. J also has known her entire life she was meant to be a mother. There is no one better with kids than her so the guilt of having an abortion also weighs on her. Because of this, J is really opposed to having another one but she also understands how bringing a child into the world is the biggest thing she can do. A has never even changed a diaper and has barely ever interacted with children - J works with a child and A has spent a few hours with her here and there but that’s the extent of his baby knowledge.

If J has the abortion the relationship is over for good. It is too much for her to emotionally handle and having two abortions in this relationship just doesn’t work for her. On the other hand, it is A LOT to have a baby and J & A have such a new relationship and have been navigating transitioning from friends to lovers and their own personal and relationship issues. Their lives would have to completely intertwine: moving in together, talking about finances, talking about marriage (J would need at least a ring on her finger before her belly starts showing), meeting each others families formally (A has met a lot of J’s family due to a vacation on her motherland but J has never met anyone in A’s family - basically only his mother and stepfather) They would both do individual therapy along with doing couples therapy to strengthen their relationship and to fix the cracks that have already occurred.

Does keeping the baby sound like a totally insane thing to do? Should we just take the losses and go our separate ways?