I want to relapse and I don’t know what to do

It’s been a while since I’ve continuously used any sort of drug. I got some prescribed codeine for some pain and I got hooked on it and I miss it. I don’t know what to do with myself. I can only get Coke and that’s a bad idea when I’m on antidepressants. Along with the fact my parents are aware of my old habits.

I’ve started drinking again, regularly. I need something else. I can’t keep doing this. The fucking mood swings. I’ll be fine for like a week, bad for a month, manic for a day, then awful for a week. I need something to calm me down but I don’t know anyone.

I can’t keep doing this. The cycle just fucking repeats. I need help. I need help. I need help. What am I doing with my life. During the day I’m somewhat fine, get home and I’m fucking awful.

What should I do???? I have no more hope. I’ve lost all traces of hope. I’m a lost cause

I don’t know what direction to take. Obviously not drugs but it’s the only thing that makes me feel free and somewhat okay.

I got come the other day, surprised nothing bad happened when mixing with my antidepressants. I’m lucky. The amount of ODs I’ve had with no consequence. Maybe I’m immune to them. Idk I’m not thinking straight maybe. I can’t tell if I’m manic or depressed rn. I’m fucked, my love life is fucked. What do I do