Spiralling

I don’t even know why I’m making this post. My gorgeous little boy deserves so much better than me. He came into the world earlier than he should have because my body wasn’t good enough at pregnancy. I had to go to NCT having already given birth. It was mortifying and I’ve always felt so guilty and ashamed. I even only lasted four months pumping.

At every turn, I’ve let him down. He was a later walker at 15 months adjusted and I thought he had a delay. I became almost suicidal with anxiety over it. I am in treatment but I will never be good enough for those ladies or my sweet sweet boy. He’s 17 months now and I’ve only just felt strong enough recently to ask for a birth review, I’m so ashamed. He’s the loveliest talkative little soul, he deserves so much better.