losing my mind with chronic illness

i’m dealing with iron deficiency and i genuinely can’t function. it seems like every turn there’s something else wrong. i stopped being able to function in sept 2023. supplementing started in october 2024. in early january i got covid but it was okay. my dad died in the end of january and i started being able to do more, i thought the supplements were helping. but then i got my blood drawn last week and im back to square one. feeling like im always passing out

i’m scared of infusions bc of reactions but i finally asked my dr for them anyway. i’m waiting on appointments to find out the cause, but it’s so hard to get to them when i can barely sit up in my bed again. i thought i was healing. i thought this was finally getting better

idk what im gonna do if he says no. i’m trying to find a hematologist but they all want referrals. i’m scared and im sick of dealing with this. i don’t understand why no one wants to help me. it’s impossible to be your own advocate when you’re too exhausted to even keep your eyes open all day

i haven’t gotten to grieve my dad. all my plans for the year are already slipping away. i don’t want to be sick forever. i’ve been sick since i was a teenager. i don’t understand why i can’t have a normal life like everyone else. i just want to feel better